Abby & Gabby
Harry Potter: "Can’t anyone else hear it?"
Luna Lovegood: "I can hear them too. There are people in there!"
Hermione Granger: "What do you mean, ‘in there’? There isn’t any ‘in there,’ it’s just an archway, there’s no room for anybody to be there — Harry, stop it, come away —"
I can hear them.
They are whispering from the other side of the veil as I slowly circle the dais. I feel a wave of emotion, things that don’t belong together.
An odd homesickness; a nostalgia which makes no sense except that I have their faces memorized. I know things about them as if we had met, as if we were friends. As if we were connected by something good. But it isn’t good. We never met. I have their faces memorized for the same reason that countless others do: in memoriam, en masse.
A deep sadness; the softest side of grief…the part that is all silent tears and a lump in the throat. The kind that empties. The kind that offers no fuel to fight; no rage energy or sudden inspiration or steely resolve. Just loss.
An angry defiance. Why the FUCK did this happen? Who screwed up? What the hell went wrong? The anger builds because no matter how many policies change or procedures are followed, only future lives can be saved. Past lives that were taken cannot be restored.
They shouldn’t be there.
And nothing can change that they are.
And I’m still in that damn room. I’m still circling the dais.
He had me pinned to it, a silent scream etched on my face and hatred writhing on his. Others came. Others saw. And they chained me in the room, and helped him out. Escorted him back up to sunlight and safety. Promised him that I would pay.
They came back, kicked me to be sure I was still breathing, and laughed as I tried to crawl toward the door.
It took me a long time to realize that I couldn’t leave. That I had to pay.
The chains are invisible now. They burn into my flesh and then I wake up, gasping and shaking and clawing at nothing.
Like a crazy person.
The crazy woman who hears voices.
The voices of Abby & Gabby.
•••
Abby Bieber was murdered by her boyfriend. He had a documented history of domestic violence, but the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office chose to employ a criminal and conceal his past. He repaid their favor on January 29, 2022 by fatally shooting Abby, a deputy at the same department, and then killing himself.
Gabby Petito was murdered by her boyfriend. Law enforcement failed to protect Gabby when a 911 call was made days before she died. She was strangled and abandoned on or around August 27, 2021. Her body was found on September 19, 2021, after her murderer had stolen her van and returned to his parents’ home in Florida. They reported him missing on September 17, 2021. His body was found the next month, and his death was ruled a suicide.
I survived attempted murder.
I’ve been locked in the Death Chamber ever since.
Abby’s story:
https://www.tampabay.com/news/hillsborough/2024/05/21/years-after-hillsborough-deputy-murder-suicide-family-wants-reform/
Gabby Petito Foundation:
https://gabbypetitofoundation.org